


Castles built in the air

by IaMcHrIsSi



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Amanda is a sweetheart, F/F, Gen, Winona Kirk is a force of nature, they are the cutest together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-23 11:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11401566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IaMcHrIsSi/pseuds/IaMcHrIsSi
Summary: Amanda Grayson meets Winona Kirk on a sunny Friday afternoon. Well, Winona runs into her, actually. Complete with spilled coffee and everything. It's a little bit of a mess.Or: Amanda Grayson and Winona Kirk meet, become friends and fall in love. Meanwhile, they deal with their sons, their ex husbands, and life in general.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So. Winona and Amanda. I don't think there is any audience for this, but I wanted to post it anyway. Amanda is recently divorced from Sarek, in what I think is a similar situation to Uhura and Spock in STID, without the almost death, but with Sarek unintentionally making Amanda feel like he didn't really care for her, and the two of them never talking it out, and then him thinking that if she wants to leave him, it might be the right thing for her even though it's breaking his heart, and like... yeah. It's kind of messy, and they are both heartbroken. And then Amanda meets Winona, who is like, a force of nature, and so different from Sarek, and also all kinds of awesome. (I can't write Winona as an abusive asshole, so in my headcanon she didn't know that Frank was abusing her sons and after the car-of-the-cliff stunt she came home, found out, and kicked Franks ass so hard would have left the planet in fear of her if he wasn't in prison. And then, she stayed home for a year and was awesome with Jim, who adores her, until Jim decided he wanted to try out this awesome schooling program.)

Amanda Grayson meets Winona Kirk on a sunny Friday afternoon. Well, Winona runs into her, actually. Complete with spilled coffee and everything. It's a little bit of a mess.

“I'm really sorry about this.” The blonde woman says. Amanda thinks she's seen her before, somewhere, but she can't really place her. Which is kind of strange, because Amanda is really good at remembering faces, and she doesn't think she'd forget such a beautiful woman.

“Are you okay?” The woman asks, and Amanda realizes she has been staring for the past few moments. She shakes herself, takes stock of her skirt (only a few splashes on it, probably difficult to clean but that's what replicators are for) and her arm (there shouldn't be any burns, the coffee was already half cold), and then nods.

“I'm really sorry, I didn't look where I was going. Seems I got too used to people standing to the sides when I'm going somewhere. I'm Captain of a Starfleet ship, you know, so usually I don't really have to watch where I'm going. I'm Winona, Winona Kirk, by the way. May I buy you a new coffee?” The women, Winona Kirk (the Kelvin widow, and now Amanda remembers watching the memorial, with a young, defiant Winona Kirk and her baby son, the picture that is still shown sometimes when people want to feel patriotic) says with a breathtaking speed. For a moment, all Amanda can do is stare.

“It's alright, fine.” She finally stutters, and curses herself in the next instant. She's a linguist, a famous, respected one, she speaks dozens of languages and has PhDs in seven of them, and yet, here she is, stuttering in the language that she grew up using.

“Oh come on, it's no trouble. You look like you could use something. Maybe a drink? I could use a drink.” Winona (or should she call her Captain Kirk? She'd said that, before, that she is a Starfleet Captain, and most Captain's Amanda knows are extremely proud of their titles) says, handing Amanda a napkin to wipe the coffee of her arm before taking Amanda's hand and pulling her with her.

For a moment, Amanda can only stare at where their hands are joined, shocked at the casual contact. On Vulcan, this would have been a punishable offense, and Amanda wonders if it's the years on her ex-husbands planet that have made her skittish. But then she shakes herself. No, this is not normal, she thinks, not even on earth. This seems to be something that is entirely Winona Kirk.

“A coffee would be nice.” She says, finally, and Winona grins. It's a pretty grin. A very pretty grin, mischievious and clever and with bright blue eyes that only barely hide old wounds.

“Sure you don't want a drink? A drink would help you relax. And I know this awesome bar...” Is Amanda imagining it, or is Winona Kirk flirting with her? She must be imagining it. To little adult human contact in the last few years. She just needs to have a little fling with someone, preferably without Spock ever knowing, and she'll be able to handle situations like this much better.

“I can't. My son is coming home from school soon, and … I don't think having a drink before discussing his homework would be beneficial.” She almost, almost blushes. But maybe the years on Vulcan did her good, after all, because she doesn't.

“Beneficial?” Winona snorts. “Interesting word choice. But I know what you mean. My Jimmy is a freaking genius. I mean, both my boys are, but Jimmy is on another level. When he really starts talking about something that interests him, if that something isn't engineering and/or machines, I'm very lost very fast.”

They've reached a cafe. Winona pulls Amanda in, and Amanda can't help but notice that Winona still hasn't let go of her hand. It should be disconcerting, she thinks, but it's actually kind of nice. Different, but nice.

 

There's a table by the window, and the moment they sit down a waitress materializes next to them and hands them the menu. Winona doesn't even bother looking at hers, just smiles at the waitress.

“Just a black coffee, dear. But wait until my friend here, wait, what's your name?” It seems that Winona has only now noticed that Amanda has not introduced herself, yet. She looks at her expectantly, and this time, Amanda does feel herself blushing.

“Amanda. Amanda Grayson.” She says, and she's proud of herself because at least she's not stuttering. Which is a really low bar, because she remembers people being terrified of her on Vulcan, and she decides that this is definitively on Winona, and not on her.

“And I'll take a black coffee, too.” Amanda says, and hands the waitress the card back. The waitress, whose name tag identifies her as Sara, nods, and leaves.

“Amanda Grayson... I think I've heard that name before.” Winona says, and scrunches her nose a bit. It should not be this adorable, Amanda thinks, but it is. “Weren't you then linguistic genius who revolutionized the way Vulcan is taught to Earth students?”

Well, at least Winona doesn't remember her as the ex wife of the Vulcan Ambassador who must be the only woman who's ever managed to have a truly ugly divorce with a Vulcan. Small mercies.

“I wouldn't say I revolutionized it, but I did work on it, yes.” Amanda says, and Winona grins again. That grin is totally unfair. And Amanda really needs to get that pend up energy out of her system, because she is pretty sure Winona is not intending to flirt with her.

“My Jimmy really liked the new way it's taught, anyway. He likes Vulcan as a language, says it's just as logical as machines. Which, honestly, I don't really see, but to him it apparently makes sense, so I assume he's right.” Talking a mile a minute is apparently normal with Winona. It's kind of charming, Amanda thinks.

“He sounds like a special little boy.” Amanda says, and thinks of her own special little boy, probably buried in his PADD right now, studying all sorts of things. She should make him plomek soup tonight, she knows he missed it, no matter how much he insists that preferring one food to another, equally nutritious one to be illogical.

“He is. I miss him quite a lot, to be honest. He's not here, currently. He's with his aunt and uncle on Tarsus IV. That's one of the small colonies, with an amazing schooling program. He begged me to let him go, and he seems really happy there, but by the stars I miss him.” That would explain why Winona can be Captain of a starship despite having a son that can't be older than twelve, Amanda realizes. But Tarsus IV is quite a distance from here, too far for personal com calls. Amanda doesn't think she could stand to have her son so far away from her.

“I've heard of the program. My son considered it, but in the end he chose to continue study as he does now. It's probably because of the divorce, to be honest. I feel bad, because my son shouldn't have to accommodate my life, but...” She usually isn't this open with strangers, or near strangers, anyway, but Winona just shared something incredibly personal, and Amanda can't help but return the favor.

“Oh, divorces are ugly. Even in the best case scenario, and I think we both know how often that happens. What did your ex do to give you full custody? Do you need me to beat him up?” Winona sounds absolutely serious about it, and for a moment, Amanda amuses herself with the mental image of Winona Kirk, armed with a Starfleet issued phaser, attacking a completely bewildered Sarek. Then she shakes her head.

“We just... didn't fit. And I don't have full custody, but my ex decided that it is more logical for Spock, that's our son, to visit him on Vulcan for three months at a time every year than for us to travel the whole time or for him to move here indefinitely. So, yeah.” Amanda holds her breath, waits for the judging to start. She just admitted to having married a Vulcan. She remembers very well the amount of shit her friends gave her for that, and how even her parents had to force their smiles at the wedding.

“Better to end it than to let it harm the kid, is what I say.” Winona tells her, and there's compassion in her eyes, as well as something like... grief, or guilt. Amanda considers asking, but decides that they probably don't know each other well enough for that.

“The divorce is recent, I guess?” Winona asks as their coffees arrive. The cups are very nice, Amanda notices, and the coffee smells amazing. She'd forgotten how much she missed good coffee.

“Not that recent. I mean, our split is not that recent. But it was finalized recently, and things are a bit chaotic right now. I have a flat in the city, but I want to move away from.... some people here, so I tried to get a place to live that's not here, but there are a lot less fitting places then I thought there'd be. That's what I was doing this afternoon, meeting with a potential landlord, but I honestly wasn't impressed.” The man had tried to tell her that the house he offered was the best she'd ever get, when in reality it was little more than two rooms and a kitchen that would need immediate fixing.

“You could go to the farm.” Winona said. “My farm. Not that there is much farming to be done, but George's grandparents were farmers, and the house is nice. It's rather remote, so I'm not sure how you'd like it, but Sam goes to a school on Mars, Jimmy's on Tarsus, and I ship out again on Monday. You could live there at least until you found something more permanent.”

“I … I can't...” And great, Amanda is stuttering again. It's definitively Winona, not her. Who offers a person they've known for all of ten minutes to go live at their home? Even if it is empty?

“Oh bullshit. Of course you can. It can't be easy here in San Fran, with so many expectations on being the Vulcan Ambassador's ex wife, and in Riverside nobody would know that. Nobody knowing you means no expectations. You can figure yourself out, and then think about how you want to go on.” So Winona _had_ figured out the whole Ambassador thing. But without judging. That is... kind of awesome.

“You've known me for ten minutes.” Amanda says, but she can't help but imagine it. Riverside sounds very rural, and maybe Spock would have problems in school, but he'll probably have those problems everywhere. The curse of being a child of a Vulcan father and a human mother. And for nobody to bother her about her ex.... that sounds a bit like paradise.

“I'm a good judge of character.” Winona says, then immediately winces. “Usually. And it's not like I'm giving you custody of my kids, just the empty house.” Something flashes over her eyes as she says it, something dark, and guilty, but Amanda doesn't ask. Winona is not shy, if she wants Amanda to know, she'll tell her.

“It's... an amazing offer. I'm honored. I don't want to impose, but...” She's only sort of stuttering now, and at least this time she's remembering her manners. She's definitively blaming it on Winona, and her incredible presence, but maybe Amanda is getting a hang of how to deal with it.

“I could show you around this later? Or no, you said your kid comes home. Tomorrow? We could beam out, no need for a shuttle, that would take ages. I hope you don't mind beaming, my ma did. It was terrible, she got sick every single time.” Winona is grinning again, and Amanda does absolutely not hold her breath.

“Beaming is not a problem.” She says, thinking. “I think I'd like to bring Spock, if that's okay? He should have a say in where we live. And of course we'll have to discuss rent and all of that.”

“You don't have to pay rent, Amanda.” Winona says, rolling her eyes fondly. “Nobody lives there, you'd be doing me a favor if you made sure the place is still in one piece, really.”

“I will pay rent. I like you, but if I live at your place, we should do it the right way. I want to get back on my feet, and that includes not relying on everybody else.” Amanda's voice is firm, and this feels more like her, more like the woman she likes to think she is.

Winona cocks her head, and looks at her. Then she smiles. “Okay. But I'm not having you pay an unreasonable amount, and we'll definitively count the fact that you'll basically be keeping the house for me while I'm gone in the whole thing.”

Amanda considers arguing, but a part of her that sounds suspiciously like Sarek says that Winona does not seem like she's going to be swayed further on this topic, and anyway, it would be more logical to discuss this after Amanda has seen the house, given that it is no use to discuss something that might never be relevant.

She drinks the last sip of her coffee, just as her PADD pings to remind her that Spock will be home within the next ten minutes. She hadn't realized that it's that late already, but then again, she thinks that Winona is someone who can quite literally make one forget time.

“If you give me your com number, I can call you tomorrow. Would ten in the morning be okay for you?” She asks, pulling out her PADD. Winona does the same.

“Ten is perfect. I warn you: It's not going to be all that cleaned up, I never really got the hang out of housework, but it shouldn't be too bad. I don't know how important cleanliness is to you, but my ma was really stuck on it, and I guess I just kind of unconsciously wanted to be the opposite of that.” Amanda saves her com number, and the waitress comes back.

“Do you pay together or not?” She asks, smiling pleasantly. Amanda reaches for her card, but Winona shakes her head.

“I'll pay for both of us. No, Amanda, don't argue this, I spilled your coffee, this is only fair. Here's my credit information.” Winona says to the waitress, who Amanda realizes is the same one as before. Sarah.

“Will you be home in time?” Winona asks her. Amanda nods. She lives rather close by, but she'll need to go now if she wants to change before Spock arrives. She stands up.

“I'll com you.” Winona says, standing up too, and before Amanda knows what's happening the other woman hugs her. She smells like engine oil, Amanda thinks, and then Winona's pulling away again. Amanda is definitively not flustered.

“I'll see you tomorrow.” She says, and Winona smiles blindingly. Amanda can't help but smile back. And if it takes her a bit longer to come home than usual, well, that's nothing anybody needs to know.

* * *

 

The next morning, Amanda wakes up at eight am. She always does. Her son is already up, as always. She can hear him walk around in the kitchen, probably preparing breakfast for them. He's sweet like that.

After a quick sonic shower, she stands in front of her drawer and wonders what to wear. None of her Vulcan robes, of course. Maybe that nice green dress? It's old, back from before she was married, but it should still fit. Then again, this is not a formal meeting. This is going to see a … well, friend? … and looking at the house. And possibly making arrangements to move in there for a bit.

Maybe the blue skirt? It's a long one, swishy and with a nice, bright blue pattern on it. It makes her look young, too young? But no. She's not old, and anyway, she'll be there with her fourteen year old son. There's no possible way for her to seem too young.

… And now she's obsessing over her cloths. Maybe it's just the adjustment, after all, on Vulcan, she just wore robes, and never truly wondered what they looked like. Definitively just the adjustment.

She finally puts on the skirt and a nice, black blouse, and goes to meet her son. He is wearing the jeans she bought him, and is trying very hard not to look uncomfortable. It is a bit of a strange sight, but she thought that this way, he might not be bullied as much as he was on Vulcan.

“I wish you a good morning, Spock.” She says, laying her hand on his head for a short moment. It's as close to a kiss on the forehead as she is going to get, and he gives her a small smile that makes all her worries seem inconsequential.

“A good morning to you too, Mother.” He says, offering her a coffee. It's not the Vulcan kind, she notes, and thanks him. The table is set with lots and lots of fruit, including a nice red apple. Amanda smiles, and takes it.

“We have about one and a half hour until we have to depart to meet Winona.” She tells her son. You don't have to come if you'd prefer to stay here, but as the point of the meeting is to determinate whether the house is sufficient for us to live in for a few weeks or months until we find something more permanent, it would be useful to have you there to see if you consider it acceptable.” She's talking Vulcan again, even if she uses Standard. She knows her son likes it that way, when everything is clear and there are as little ambiguities as possible.

“It is logical to accompany you, Mother. It would be interesting to meet this woman that's offered us a place to live at at such short notice.” Translation: He can barely contain his curiosity as to why she is considering to accept this offer when she has shot down the last ones. She can understand that.

“You can wear Vulcan robes to the meeting if that is more comfortable for you. I know you dislike jeans and sweatshirts.” Amanda tells him. Spock looks at her for a moment, then shakes his head.

“As we will live on Earth for quite some time, it is only logical for me to start getting used to the typical attire here. And given that I, too, am half human, it would be illogical for me to prefer Vulcan clothing.” He sounds too old for his fourteen years, but Amanda has long since accepted that. 

“Alright. But just know, I'm proud of you no matter what you wear, or how you choose to act. You are my son, and I love you very much, okay?” Sarek would have considered this an illogical statement, given that a mother loving her son is only logical and therefore unnecessary to verbalize, but Amanda is human, and she thinks that Spock definitively needs to hear this. And the way Spock looks at her, she is right.

Amanda makes sure they are perfectly on time. Actually, she makes sure they arrive at the meeting point she and Winona discussed over coms yesterday five minutes early. Spock says nothing. He is wearing a cap that covers his ears. Winona is reminded of the scarfs she used to wrap around her head on Vulcan, always making sure that her human ears aren't the first thing people notice about her, and suddenly, she feels guilty for taking Spock to a planet where he feels the need to cover his ears. But then again, she thinks, it's not as if Spock was really accepted by the Vulcan children either.

Winona is five minutes late, hurrying down the streets and shouting an apology before she is even properly there. Then she pulls Amanda into a hug, her blonde hair brushing over Amanda's cheek, and offers Spock a near flawless taal. Spock, after a moment of surprise, returns the gesture, and Winona grins at him.

“It's nice to meet you, Spock. I hope you'll like the house.” She says in a soft tone that makes it impossible not to remember that Winona is a mom too, and something warm blossoms in Amanda's chest.

“Let's go!” Winona says, and starts walking towards the public transporter. There's thankfully no queue, and within few seconds they stand on a small town square. It's noticeably warmer than in San Francisco, and Amanda is glad she chose the skirt instead of the overly formal dress.

“It's not that far from here, we can walk. And I can show you the city while we go, so win-win.” Winona says, and starts talking about Riverside. Amanda had looked it up yesterday, after meeting Winona, and learned that Riverside is one of the big construction sites for Starfleet, and that apart from that, it is a rather rural place, with mostly construction workers and farmers living here.

Winona points out the school (which Spock most likely won't attend, given that he is following the Vulcan syllabus instead of the human one), the post office (which Amanda probably will get to know well, if she moves here, considering her translation work and the often physical copies of the books she likes), a couple bars (Amanda already knows she won't go anywhere near those after dusk) and a the only local restaurant that serves offworld food. Spock looks around, curious but restraint, and Amanda thinks he could like it here.

At least it's warmer than New York, where Amanda grew up.

Then they leave the town, walking over a deserted road between the fields. It's peaceful, almost like in some of the old movies Amanda watched when she was younger. Winona has a sort of wistful expression on her face, as though she is recalling better times, and Amanda  [w](http://rebelcommanderpoe.tumblr.com/tagged/star+trek/page/49)onders if she is thinking of her late husband.

“There it is!” Winona says finally, pointing towards a nice looking little house a bit off the street. It looks kind of sweet, in that old movie way, and very human. Amanda shoots a look to her son, but Spock just seems intrigued.

“It looks nice.” Amanda says, because she suddenly realizes that for the last twenty minutes, Winona has more or less exclusively done the talking. It's not her smoothest compliment, but Winona smiles.

“Jimmy and me renovated it a bit before he went to Tarsus. There's a couple places where it's obvious it wasn't done by professionals, but it's way better than before, and Jimmy loved it.” 

After a short walk through the house, which is clean but slightly untidy, in that typically human homey kind of way, Amanda looks at her son. Spock is staring at some holos. She wants to tell them that humans consider it impolite to stare at private holos, even when they are displayed like this, but her breath catches when she actually sees the holo.

George Kirk, the hero of the Federation, beaming down at her, his arm around a young, obviously pregnant Winona, a little boy of maybe three years sitting in front of them. It must have been taken shortly before the last journey of the Kelvin.

It feels very, very private, and Amanda turns away, to find Winona looking at her. There's grief shadowing Winona's eyes, and Amanda thinks it should feel wrong, to see someone as vibrant as Winona this sad, but somehow it doesn't. The grief was there the whole time, she realizes, just overshadowed by charisma and a determination to be alive, to be okay.

Neither of them says anything, but Amanda takes Winona's hand when they leave the room.

* * *

 

They see Winona of when she has to report back to her ship. She won't be far, she says. Apparently, Starfleet Command likes having a number of ships close to Earth and Vulcan, it's main worlds, to scare of any glory seeking Klingons and Romulans.

“Just com when you have any questions about the house.” Winona says, already dressed in her gold tunic. She's wearing the less used female variant of the uniform, the one with the pants. Somehow, Amanda can't even picture Winona wearing the dress.

“We'll be fine, Winona. You do us a great favor.” Amanda says, but she's smiling. She has a feeling that Winona likes knowing that the house isn't empty, even if it's not her own family that's living there.

“Indeed, Captain Kirk. It is very kind of you to allow us to stay at your home.” Spock says, his hands behind his back. He is still wearing the jeans Amanda got him, but the cap is gone. Maybe he will adjust better than Amanda had thought.

“It's my pleasure.” Winona says, smiling. She gives the taal to Spock, who returns the gesture solemnly, and then goes to hug Amanda. This time, Amanda is somewhat more prepared for it, and hugs her friend back.

“You can call even if everything's okay, you know?” Winona says with a wink, and then she's gone, disappearing into a crowd of other Starfleet officers.

Amanda smiles. She has a feeling that there is somewhat of an adventure ahead.

 


	2. Communications

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, new chapter. This is obviously not all the messaging and talking Winona and Amanda do, but to write all of that down would take ages, and wouldn't be particularly useful. So... yeah. They really get to know each other. And deal with stuff. And we see what their life is like when they are not running into each other. Also, Winona POV! I'm not sure I got her right, I can write brash much better from an outsiders perspective.

_Dear Winona,_

_I hope space is treating you well. Things here are very quiet, which is a blessing after living in San Francisco for the last few weeks. Spock very much enjoys being able to walk through the fields without meeting anyone, and he's started going to the chess club at the local school. He's better at playing than most other club members, but I think they respect him for it._

_I have started translating again. At the moment, I'm buried deeply in an old, pre-Surakian book of philosophy. It's rather fascinating to learn about a Vulcan before logic became the driving focus, and I feel quite honored that the Vulcan Science Academy allows me to translate it into Standard._

_My best wishes,_

_Amanda_

Amanda glares at the message. Should she sent it? There is no logical reason to send a message that contains only very little information that Winona wouldn't already know, but … Winona send to message her even if there was nothing that needs to be said. And Amanda really wants to talk to someone about her life, someone who will listen and who is not one of her old college friends. And Winona is kind of the only one on that list.

It's only been a week since she's last seen Winona, a week since she'd met Winona, really, but Amanda finds herself wanting to talk to her friend again. She's just not sure how to start.

The cursor blinks over the greeting Amanda wrote. Dear Winona. Should she change it? She she start with something else, something like... Greetings? Hello? Should she call her Captain Kirk? No, not that, she thinks. Winona had treated Amanda as thought they'd been friends for years the very minute they first met, to write a letter to “Captain Kirk” would just not fit.

But would Winona even care about the things Amanda wrote? She knows that Amanda is a linguist, does it matter to Winona what exactly Amanda is translating? Does Winona care about Spock visiting the chess club?

Well, she might care about the chess club thing. Amanda's seen a couple chess pieces lying around in what she thinks has to be Jim's room, so Winona probably knows the chess club at the school exists. Jim likely used to go there, just like Spock.

Should Amanda write more about Spock? But she doesn't think Spock would be comfortable with that. Her son likes Winona, but he doesn't know her yet. Less about Spock? Winona misses her own sons, so maybe this message will just remind her of them? But that would be untrue to Amanda herself. She did not make friends with Winona to be dishonest about what matters to her, and what matters to Amanda is her son, and her work.

“Hello Mother.” Spock says. Amanda did not hear him enter the room, but she is used to that. Spock has always been a quiet child, and he usually doesn't notice just how quiet he is until his sudden appearance startles someone.

“Hello Spock.” Amanda smiles at him. He does not smile, but she sees something like love in his eyes. It is enough.

“Are you writing to Captain Kirk?” He asks, looking at her PADD curiously. The message is still open, and Amanda knows her son has already read it. Therefore, the question is simply to clarify what he already knows, because he knows that humans do that. Amanda sighs fondly.

“Yes. Well, I'm trying. Do you think Winona would like a message from us?” She asks him. Spock looks at the message again, reading it over. Then he nods.

“She told you to message her even if there is nothing wrong with the house. It is therefore likely that she simply wishes to form a close friendship with you. It is also possible that she is lonely, considering the fact that as a Captain of a starship, she would not have peers around.” He says.

Amanda thinks about it for a moment. She hasn't thought about it like that, but Spock is probably right. There is, after all, a reason people say that it is lonely at the top.

“Would you convey my greetings as well?” Spock asks, rather surprisingly. He seems earnest about it, and Amanda wonders whether Winona impressed him more than she'd realized. She smiles.

“Of course, honey.” She tells him, and he excuses himself to go to the chess club.

Amanda reads the message over again. Thinks of changing a sentence here, deleting a word there, but in the end she leaves it just as it is. Only at the end, she adds a little PS before hitting send.

_PS: Spock sends his greetings as well._

* * *

 

_Dear Amanda,_

_Life is going on as usual. The ship is fine, everything's a bit boring, given that we are still essentially just patrolling around Earth, but the first thing you learn aboard a starship is not to complain about boredom, because that's the moment all hell breaks loose, so... things are good._

_Jimmy sends his greetings. The standard length for colony communications is way to short to really have meaningful exchanges with him, but he seemed to be intrigued by the idea of someday playing chess against Spock. I have a feeling that those two might be rather evenly matched._

_How is your translation going? And is that guy from the post office still hitting on you?_

_Send Spock my best wishes!_

_Love,_

_Winona_

Winona considers adding a picture of Earth to the message, but she already did that two weeks ago, and anyway, no matter how beautiful Earth looks from up here, no picture will ever truly capture it. And really, there are way prettier pictures of Earth from space available for Amanda. On the other hand... there are never enough pretty pictures.

Someone knocks at the door. Winona tells them to come in, hoping it's actually something exciting for once. But, considering the look on Yeoman Zaira's face, probably not. The young woman looks annoyed, like she always does after having to deal with some stupid problem.

“I'm sorry to interrupt, Captain, but Command wishes for you to look over some transfer forms. They wanted the forms finished tomorrow, but I got them to give you a week.” Zaira knows just how much Winona hates paperwork. There's a reason she's Winona's personal Yeoman despite only having graduated a year before.

“Thank you, Zaira, you're the best. I'll make sure to finish before they are crawling up your behind.” Winona sighs. Transfer forms are the worst. All details need to be fixed, and double checked, and then triple checked. From all sides. She accepts the PADD, and looks through the forms quickly. Only three to transfer of her ship, but twelve want to come. She'll have to remember to read all the new applications, too, she realizes.

“I'd appreciate it, Captain.” Zaira says, her face impassive, but Winona can still hear the sarcasm. She likes her Yeoman sarcastic. It means they've got a brain, and that they aren't too submissive towards their commanding officers.

She waves Zaira out of the room, and looks over the PADD again. She could do it now, get it out of the way. Then she wouldn't have to do it later. Her mother would do it now. On the other hand, that's kind of enough reason to postpone it, she decides, and puts the PADD aside.

She looks at the pictures on her desk. Her parents, shortly before their death. Sam, on Mars, looking into the camera rather reluctantly. He still didn't talk to her much, but at least he send her messages every now and then. Jimmy, grinning, some piece of an engine in his hands, oil on his cheek. George, wearing his Science blues proudly. Amanda and Spock, standing in front of the house. Amanda doesn't know that this picture made it to her desk, but... well. Amanda and Spock more or less count as family now, really, and when Amanda had sent that picture with her last message... Winona couldn't not print it out and put it there. It just fits.

She looks at her message again. Rolls her eyes, adds that picture of Earth, and hits send.

* * *

 

“Don't trust the Michaels, is what I'm saying. They've always been terrible gossips, and they'd love to be famous. Back after... back when Jimmy was still a baby, they tried to get pictures of him to sell them to the holonews. Terrible people.” Winona says over the com. Her hair is up in a messy braid, Amanda suspects she spend some time in the engineering department despite technically having no reason to go there.

“How could they? You'd think they'd possess at least some decency... Spock always makes a point not to go near their home, and I guess I will be too, from now on.” Amanda shakes her head. It's nice talking to Winona face to face, even though her friend is on the other end of the Sol system.

“People are shit. Well, some of them. You aren't, and most of my crew are fine, too, I guess.” Winona says, and Amanda rolls her eyes fondly. Winona Kirk loves her crew almost as much as she loves her family, but she'd never admit it.

“Also, Spock found what appears to be an older car on the bottom of that cliff near the Little's farm. Said it looks as though it hasn't been down there for long. It seems to fascinate him a great deal.” Spock had actually considered climbing down there to be able to look at it better, but Amanda had talked him out of it. Sometimes, her son's Vulcan fixation on logic is a blessing.

“Oh... the car.” Winona says, and Amanda knows immediately that this is something personal to Winona. Her friend goes a bit stiff, her back a bit straighter, and there's that grieving, guilty look in her eyes again. Belatedly, she wonders whether she should have asked somebody else about that car.

“Jim drove it down there.” Winona says, and Amanda gasps. Jimmy? Twelve year old Jimmy, drove a car down a cliff? Fear settles deeply into her bones, even though she knows that Jimmy is alive, even though she hasn't ever met the boy. Why would he do something like that?

“Frank, that's my ex husband, he wanted to sell the car. It was George's, though, and Jimmy... he really loved that car. But he also... he decided that Frank was not going to sell it. So he destroyed it.” Winona's not looking at Amanda, not really. Her eyes are blank, and Amanda holds her breath. Winona has never talked about Frank before. The look in her eyes whenever he comes up is enough to give Amanda a terrible feeling about this whole thing, however.

“He jumped out at the last second. I'm... he says he didn't want to go down with the car, but you don't drive a car of a cliff if that's not at least an acceptable outcome to you.” Amanda wants to hug Winona, and Jimmy, too, because this is horrible. She doesn't want to hear this, but Winona needs to say it, so she stays silent and listens.

“I came the moment I heard. Screamed at a few superior officers, probably made some of the cry. I'm good at that. But I was home the next day, so it was worth it. Found Jim blue and black, with cuts and all. Which was all kinds of interesting, because I got the medical report, according to which there had only been a few superficial lacerations and some bruises, all of which had been taken of with a dermal regenerator.” Winona closes her eyes, and suddenly Amanda knows where this is going. She's kind of known it for a while, she realizes.

“Turns out Frank was beating my boys. A lot. And telling them that I wouldn't care, which is why they never told me. Sam had run away, to that school on Mars he's still attending, and Jimmy was all alone with an abusive drunk. And I … didn't know.” There's a tear running over Winona's cheek, but she ignores it.

“I kicked Frank's ass so hard he had to go to the hospital before he could go to prison. Then I took Jimmy to the hospital, and told Starfleet that I'm taking leave, immediately, and if they made any kind of fuss about it, I'd call the press and tell them all sorts of sob stories.” Winona laughs, but it's a bitter laugh.

“I spend the next two weeks just trying to convince Jimmy that I do actually care. And to get Sam to come home. Never managed that, by the way, but he's answering my coms these days, so that's something. Took months for Jimmy to stop flinching when I moved to suddenly, or when he'd make some kind of mistake.”

Amanda doesn't know what to say, so she doesn't say anything, just puts her hand on the screen, wishing she could touch her friend. Winona stares into nothing for a moment longer, than she shakes herself, and looks at Amanda again.

“You did the best you could.” Amanda says, and by the stars, she wishes she could say more, could say something better. She's a linguist of God's sake, she should be able to give Winona something more than this!

“But I didn't.” Winona says, something like self hatred in her eyes. “My sons were alone with an abusive asshole, and I didn't even know. I was far away, because I couldn't get myself to stay home long enough to raise them.”

* * *

 

_Dear Amanda,_

_don't worry about pissing of the Michael's. They've always been assholes. When Jimmy was still a baby, they used to try and take pictures of him to sell them to the holonews until I got a cease and desist from a judge. It should still be in effect, so if they don anything, remind them of it. I don't think they know enough about the law to realize it doesn't technically apply to you and Spock._

_Here on ship there is little news. Well, I walked in on my XO and my CMO making out, which is kinda a long time coming, but neither of them noticed me, so... I kind of feel like making suggestive comments until they figure out I know. They're both kind of dense sometimes, though, so it could take a while, especially with Raina. She's awesome with tactics and the like, but human interaction? I've met Vulcans who are better at it. Should be fun to watch them squirm._

_Love,_

_Winona_

Winona grins. Raina Abbas is one hell of a first officer, and a genius, too, but she is always more comfortable with her statistics than with people. And it had been obvious for ages now that she had a crush on Xi Lin, who'd come aboard when Winona came back to active duty. They are both about ten years younger than Winona, with bright careers ahead of them. She hopes for them that they'll be able to spend said career together.

If they managed to stay a couple that long, that is. But Winona has faith in them. Dr. Xi, though usually just as sarcastic as pretty much every other 'Fleet doctor Winona knows, can be very gentle, and very understanding, too. And Raina has a huge respect for medical professionals, and knows when to just be quiet.

Now, how long they can keep their secret.... Winona gives it two weeks at most before Raina comes to the bridge wearing her girlfriends science blue uniform under her command gold hijab. That should be a fun day.

Sighing, she turns back to her PADD, proofreads her message, and hits send. She always does that, these days, after the rather embarrassing time she'd sent a message when she was almost asleep, and .. well, Winona isn't usually ashamed of a spelling mistake or two, but... it's likely the only reason that Amanda understood what Winona had been trying to convey is that her friend is a genius linguist. So, proofread.

At least it's better than paperwork.

* * *

 

_Dear Winona,_

_I agree that Jimmy looks skinny in that picture, but maybe that's just him being a teenager? Spock rather suddenly had a growth spurt last year, and it felt like over night he'd become just as skinny as Jimmy looks right now. I don't think it's something to be worried about. He'll put on more weight once the growth spurt is finished._

_My ex mother in law has decided she wants to visit us. Well, I think she mostly wants to see Spock, but she invited me too. T'Pau wants to meet in Portland, apparently a friend of hers lives there. I'm going, of course, can't exactly forbid the grandmother of my son to see him, but... I'm apprehensive. It'll be the first time since the divorce that I'll see her, and I'm not really sure what to expect. I mean... being mean and antagonistic isn't logical, is it? And T'Pau is all about logic. But … she is my ex mother in law. Who was most definitively on Sarek's side in the divorce. It'll be interesting, at least._

_I wish you good luck with that Admiral. I have a feeling he's probably terrified of you anyway._

_Love,_

_Amanda_

_PS: Spock sends his love, too_

Not that Spock had formulated it like that, of course. Send Captain Kirk my greetings, he'd said. But he'd brought the topic up himself, without Amanda mentioning her message to Winona, so Amanda had... translated it. After all, she knows her son.

He hadn't said much when Amanda told him his grandmother wanted to see him. Sarek and her had been able to mostly keep Spock out of the divorce, and T'Pau was too logical to really get involved in everything, though she'd glared at Amanda often enough that she knows what her ex mother in law thinks of the whole thing.

Which is kind of to be expected, really. The divorce had not been logical. It had been a matter of feelings. But Amanda wants a partner who cares about her, not just because he or she has to, but because they want to. And she wants someone who values her opinion, someone who doesn't just humor her or, even worse, doesn't even listen when she wants to discuss things like how she feels like their marriage is going down the drain.

She'd loved Sarek, of course she did. She wouldn't have married him otherwise. And she'd thought he loved her too, even though love might not be logical. He'd cared about her, about what she had to say, and he encouraged her. But at some point... all that stopped.

It probably wouldn't have been a reason for a Vulcan do file a divorce. As far as Amanda knows, Vulcan's only get divorced extremely rarely. By far the most Vulcan couples stay together for life. She's pretty sure that Sarek was surprised when she'd given him the paperwork for the divorce, but she hadn't been subtle about her discontent. Or about the fact that she felt as though she didn't really matter to him all that much.

And it's not like he fought for their marriage. He just accepted the divorce. Just like that.

Yes, Amanda is bitter. She'd loved Sarek, and he apparently didn't love her. That's enough to make anybody bitter. But her son should not be part of that. Spock should not have to suffer because his parent's marriage tanked. So... T'Pau. Who will be disapproving and logical.

She can do this. And if it goes badly, she'll just watch some of Winona's old movies, com Winona and eat lots of ice cream. Illogical, but extremely satisfying. Maybe she can get some sugarfree stuff, so that she can share with Spock. Yes, she thinks. That sounds like a plan.

* * *

 

“I know he's a teenage now, and the whole Frank thing... what I'm saying is, Jimmy forgetting or deciding not to send me his monthly email is kind of to be expected. Like, he's having a lot of fun, and a huge amount of stuff he wants to learn there on Tarsus, and I know he has new friends and all that. It's just...” Winona trailed of, unsure how to put it in words.

“It still hurts.” Amanda says, compassion in her eyes. And yeah, it does hurt. A lot. Winona loves her son, and she likes to think they have a bit of a special bond, that they get each other. But... that's not all of it. There's something in the back of Winona's mind, something dark, something she can't really name.

“He's growing up. He'll probably send you a big message next month, apologizing for missing this one.” Amanda says confidently. “I remember my brother at that age. He wanted to be independent so very badly, but the moment he actually got a bit of that freedom, he scurried back home immediately. Jimmy'll be the same.”

“I kind of hope so. I'm not ready for him to be all grown up just yet.” Winona sighs. The bad feeling doesn't go away. “It's... not just that, you know. I just... I have a bad feeling about this. It's probably stupid, because, it's Tarsus. Hugely advanced scientific community. Lots of talented doctors. Even if Jimmy, I don't know, ate a pot of peanut butter and had a huge anaphylactic shock, that wouldn't be a problem, they can deal with that. And really, it's not like he's there alone. George's brother and sister in law are good people. They have kids of their own. They know what their doing.” She trails of.

“You could send out a request over Starfleet to check up on him, you know.” Amanda says, and Winona almost laughs. So Amanda _did_ read those protocols she'd send over more as a joke than anything else.

“I don't want to come across as too controlling or something. Like you said, he's probably just trying out his independency or something.” Winona rolls her eyes. “I guess I just really miss him. And I've gotten used to his emails. And I really want to see him.” And damn it, but she's not going to start crying now. It's just a stupid missed email.

“You are allowed to miss him. He's your son, and you haven't even been able to talk to him in months. It's perfectly normal that you are sad that he didn't send you anything this month.” Amanda's voice is calm, and understanding, and Winona doesn't know if she wants to make her stop talking or if she wants to hug her. Both, probably. She can't stand pity. (But that's not what Amanda is offering, is it?)

“Maybe I'll be able to convince the Admiralty to let me swing a bit farther from Earth for a bit. Then I could show up unannounced and make it seem like an accident.” Winona says, and imagines it for a moment. She might actually be able to pull that one off. There's definitively still enough admirals who owe her favors. Huh.

“That sounds like a great idea!” Amanda says, smiling... no, that's a real grin. Nice. Winona likes to think she is a bad influence. Some people need a bit of a bad influence on them, and Amanda is one of them.

“I might just do it. Could be fun.” Winona smirks. “I can just imagine his face when he sees me. Maybe I'll surprise him with a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. That could be hilarious.” Winona is aware that most mothers would be horrified to walk in on their barely teenaged kid with a date, but Winona has always taken pride in being different from most parents.

“Don't embarrass him too much. Teenager, remember? They hate that. I should know, I have one of them myself.” Amanda's grin is really mischievous now, and it makes Winona feel proud and also kind of … not turned on. Well, it does turn her on, but there's something... more there. Something warm, and nice, and... huh, she thinks. I should probably look into that. At some point. Not now.

“How is Spock? Is he still complaining about the illogical actions of Hamlet?”

* * *

 

_Dear Winona,_

_that picture of Earth is amazing! Don't feel bad for sending so many pictures like that, I love seeing life from a different perspective! Those pictures all go on that window still in the kitchen, you know the one. They fit perfectly._

_How are Commander Abbas and Dr. Xi? Still oblivious to the fact that you know about their relationship? You should put them out of their misery, I think Commander Abbas cares a lot more about your opinion of her than she lets on. She just seems to respect you a lot, both as a commanding officer and as a mentor. Just tell them you approve. It would make her feel better, I think._

_When do you get shore leave again? I'd love to invite you for dinner. I've been learning to cook a bit, and, well, Spock isn't complaining. But then again, he wouldn't unless you really can't eat it, so I'd love to have someone to test it._

_Love,_

_Amanda_

Amanda reads the message over again. Is it to forward? Or to shallow? She wants to meet Winona again, really physically meet her. And... she kind of wants to go on a date with her. Sort of. But she doesn't want to lose her friend if Winona doesn't feel the same, or if the date goes badly.

Or if Winona isn't interesting in dating a woman at all. Which Amanda is pretty sure is not the case, because she remembers how she met Winona with absolute clarity, and she is certain that Winona was flirting with her. And their messages... they could just be friendly, but Amanda thinks that they've always been on the edge of flirting, as if they're both a bit afraid of dipping into that side of their relationship.

Or she is just interpreting things into Winona's actions because she wants to see them. She misses Vulcan right now, where the people are very clear about things like whether or not they consider themselves in a courtship with you. That would be helpful right now.

On the other hand, the ambiguity is kind of what Amanda likes about her relationship with Winona. That and the fact that Winona is so clearly the opposite of Sarek, and really, of most Vulcans. Why does this have to be so complicated?

Amanda shakes her head. She sounds like a sixteen year old on her first date, instead of a 45 year old divorced mother of a teenaged son, not to mention an accomplished and respected linguist who most definitively knows how to deal with people. Usually.

Maybe Winona won't get shore leave at all. Or she'll finally be able to convince Command to let her go to Tarsus. Or Winona thinks it's just platonical, and doesn't pick up on the date angle at all. There is absolutely no reason to be this nervous.

Amanda sighs. Looks at the picture of Winona and Jimmy, beaming down at her from the wall. Winona looks beautiful, really beautiful, which is not helping. It makes her mind go to places that are... definitively not platonic.

Amanda isn't usually afraid, but this time... She has gotten used to living here. At some point, it became home, even though it was supposed to be temporary. She has also gotten used to writing to Winona whenever something happened, gotten used to thinking of Winona as... well, as family. To worrying about Jimmy and Sam, even though she's never seen them, and to comment the love life of Winona's officers.

She has gotten used to Winona, essentially. And at some point, she fell in love with her. And now Amanda really isn't sure what she'd do if Winona doesn't feel the same. If Winona suddenly wasn't her friend anymore.

Still. She's not a coward.

She hits send.

* * *

 

_Amanda,_

_something terrible happened to Jimmy. We're coming home._

_Winona_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUM DUM DUUUUM.... next chapter is going to be a lot Jim, and also a lot more Spock than I've had so far.

**Author's Note:**

> And yes, Tarsus IV is a thing here. It's going to show up later. It's going to be heartbreaking.


End file.
